10. Suggest that it would be a good idea to attach hooks to the ankles of the smallest child, and tow him with a rope in hopes of catching a really big fish.
9. Issue cutlasses to the crew before departure, in case of pirate attack.
8. Always refer to the kids' hats as "combat headgear".
7. Identify any rapids you encounter as "x falls", where x= deadman, widowmaker, doomsday, etc.
6. If you run aground, propose to remain in place till freeze up, and then walk out over the ice.
5. Claim that any large birds you see are vultures. Comment about how seem to be following you for some reason.
4. Remember that any fish that gets away is a fresh water shark.
3. Constantly ask one of the kids if he or she is a really good swimmer.
2. About halfway into the trip start inquiring who was in charge of packing the tent. Mention that its going to be a cold night, what with no sleeping bags and all.
1. Tear out a blank end page from a bible, and divide the page into pieces equal to the number of your crew. Make a black spot on one. Fold the pieces up and place them in a hat, and have each of the crew draw out one piece of paper. Whoever gets the black spot is the Jonah, with the understanding that in case of trouble, the Jonah will be thrown overboard, albeit with much regret.
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2 comments:
Wow, this brings back memories of outings with you... you are such a convincing teaser it was always hard to know whether to laugh or cry. (or am I just gullible?)
This reminded me of Windridge days and, “Hey Johnny, how’d you like a tour of the lake—the bottom of the lake?!”
Yesterday, I was proud of myself when I spontaneously came up with the following during the Deacons’ quorum meeting.
“Hey Joey and McKay: if you two don't settle down, I’m going to have to separate you… and by ‘separate,’ I mean ‘limb from limb.’”
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