New, 10 Point Austerity Plan.

Yesterday was payday, and so when I got home I was a little surprised that after Joey had paid bills she still needed another $30.00 for something out of my gasoline/ammo/crack money. The trouble is that my gasoline/ammo/crack budget is about $90.00 each week, and my gasoline expenditures average about $70.00 and my credit card bill takes about another $35.00 per week. If I want to get my hair cut or something, that comes out of the $90.00 also. All in all, its rare for me to have any money for ammo, and unheard of for me to have money for crack.

That is about to change.

I am announcing the new Erickson family 10 point austerity plan:

1. From now on, except as provided for in paragraph 6, we only eat what we can kill.

2. Yukon: out. Yugo: in.

3. Medical experiments aren't just for research, they also pay money.

4. Our condemned trailer is surrounded by woods. Lets try burning some of them. With a little Yankee ingenuity and some duct work, I believe I can convert our electric stove to wood burning, and thats what's right for America. As an added bonus,it supports Global Warming. On a day like today, I think we all agree we could sure use a little global warming.

5. Cold showers, 'nuff said.

6. I am no longer turning up my nose at the idea of roadkill. When I moved to Maine 15 years ago and people told me about how they had scored some awesome deer that was hit by a car, I felt pity. Now, I feel envy. Just this month two families in our Branch have gotten moose that were struck by cars. As Napoleon said at Kips wedding, "Jel-ousss".

7. Ebay + healthy white baby = insane profits.

8. Henceforth: Birthday presents will consist of one or two unusual rocks; Christmas presents will be ordinary sticks with small brightly colored pieces of yarn tied to one end.

9. To save bandwith, we are dispensing with point 10.

10. See 9. supra.